land-tuna

Florida!!!

Ahhhhh the Florida Coast.  I always love returning here. Such a hot-spot of activity. Warm waters, good visibility and plenty shit to fuck with. I got here two nights ago after a long fucking swim from the Baja. It’s that time of year when the water there starts tasting of tequila piss,   so  Fuck It,   I’m out!!

Needless to say, I was fuck-all tired by the time I arrived, but I’m no fucking puss. I came here for excitement and I needed my batteries recharged,  so I raped a manatee.  It’s fun, easy and they just fuckin float there so what the fuck?!!  It’s hard to even call it rape since the fucking cows don’t even put up a fight.  So whatever,  first load shot and I was feeling fucking good!!

Time to get on with it!!

Now you may ask – “what’s so special about the florida coast”?  Answer? – Fuck you!!  Nothing!!! The water is parts-per-million, to used sun tan lotion, enough to make me look like one of Fabio’s shits after he drank a whole bottle of “I can’t believe it’s not Fucking butter”!! There’s a visual, cock-choke on it!!!

But when I’m not surprise bottle-nose-Fucking some cunt who just lost her bikini bottom, I’m keen into the fact that this is Refugee Country!!! Yes sir!  Those fucking dream weavers are such fun to fuck with! With their Gilligan’s Island rafts.  But every once and a while those fucktools get entrepenueral.  Bring a few kilos of the dust money with em and I say,    Game On!! ! So yes, I found one floating about and dove bombed that fucking thing like a rabid sting-ray aiming to heart-stab some fuck!!

BAAAAM!!!! Smashed that bamboo and used dental floss raft to shit.  Stuffed as many bricks as I could in my mouth and swam off for land.  I always get a few looks when I get up on land, But now a Dolphin with three bricks in his mouth is sure to turn a few heads and I knew it.  By the time I found a suitable Dolphin pad for the evening, I had a riff-raff crew in tow.  Dudes are good for the liquor run. They are allowed to stay for a half hour and then   GET THE FUCK OUT!!!

Leaving me with all the coke and land tuna I needed. The bitches in Florida aren’t bad. They’re taken care of and don’t mind letting loose.  Unlike other places in the world, like in Hawaii, those bitches taste like spam and if I’m spreading an island bitch, I want grade A Ahi Land Tuna!  Or Indo-fucking-nesia, pussy there tastes like mud.  Brrrrahhhagggha!!

I’m in high gear, not giving a FUCK!  Snorting elephant lines till I feel like I could take on a great white……course after a few minutes entertaining that grandiose idea, I realize I got the Great White right in front of me so why not continue to take on that?  Line, fuck, snort, spew, repeat…….

Well, I woke up that next day all dry and shit cause I never made it to the tub.  Two whores left. I was told one other ran off after I tried to Dorsal Fin-Fuck Her.  I got in there pretty far before her pain receptors kicked in I guess. hahaha.  Gotta to get the fuck outta here. I ain’t paying for this fucking fuck of a mess.

Time to return to the sea. Gonna go rape a Sea Turtle.

Traveling

Swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim…..uh…..pfpfpfllllllfffffppppppllllpfpfppf…..took a shit…..swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim

Fucking Cat Piss !!!

So Hey,

I gotta say here, that just because I’m a Dolphin, doesn’t mean that I don’t relish in a comfortable slumber.  So I keep a nice Dolphin pad where I can sleep in peace without the fucking “Whale Moans”!!!  God those fuckers are obnoxious!!    But FUCKING HELL ALL, when I found that the cat pissed on my Fucking Dolphin Bed !!!

Maybe I should Back Up just a bit here……      See,   I occasionally get sick and fucking tired of swimming around out there in the deep blue.  Even when I can crash Sea-fuckin-World, I churn after the sixth helping of Sardines for my  ”Oh So Special Flips through the Air” !!   Fuck’em !!!  I need more !!   So…… I don’t give a fuck,  I get myself up on fucking land and  search out my Want-Ons!!   So after a nice evening of tossing back shots of Jack and Karaoke, I decided that I needed a fucking blow-job!!  Since I’m a Dolphin, I don’t give a shit about looks. Just give me a mouth. So me and my land-dwelling whore got back to my place……  The fucking cat had Made a Piss Puddle on my Dolphin Bed!!!!!!      Not cool Pussy!!!!! Now that didn’t stop me from blowing my spout all over my new companion, but the last thing I wanted to do then was fucking laundry!!!  Guess I sleep with the whales tonight..

Hello World !!!

Go Fuck Yourself !!!  I’m a swimmin, talkin, fuckin Dolphin!!

Really though,… Here’s the deal.  I just swim around all day with nothing to do but  feed and fuck with sonar.   That’s it ! !    That’s what I do ! !

Except of course for spewing all this on you via my Porpoise-Hole.  Splash Splash Bitches and Bitch-ettes!  I AM THE DOLPHIN !!!!